sonofableep

can you make ridiculously inhuman noises with your mouth?  are you less inhibited than your average nudist?  do you work just down the hall?  then you too could voice one of the critters in our game!

come on in, don’t be afraid.  stand over here next to this microphone.  scoot up now, it won’t bite…whoa there, not *too* close.  now let’s hear what ya got.  just have a look at this concept art and watch the animations on that screen over there, and do whatever comes to mind.  let ‘er rip!  and don’t mind us…try and ignore us focusing on you, making mental notes and occasionally muttering some techno-speak or another that you won’t quite understand.

that’s good!  really, great job.  now here’s what we want you to do.  try it again, but don’t do it anything at all like you just did.  do it like this – imagine you’re a 300 pound duck, but with murder in your heart…but don’t lose the fundamental levity of the character.  yes, i know that looks nothing like a duck.  just trust us on this.  jeez, who’s the audio professional here?  hahaha, just kidding.  really, you’re doing great.  now let’s take another crack at it.

you don’t need a break, do you?  were you working on something important before we nabbed you on your way out to lunch?  never you mind, this is for The Greater Good…i’m sure your Team Lead will understand.  say…you’re not feeling self-conscious are you, knowing half the office can hear you floundering about…i mean voice acting?  oh, you didn’t realize?  ha, well, the walls aren’t *that* thick, you know?  don’t worry…just keep reminding yourself as you head back down the corridor that they’re not laughing *at* you, they’re laughing at the noises you just spent the last 45 minutes making.  but i’m sure they realize those long sustained groans were groans of “agony”, not…of… something else.

whelp, i guess we’re just about done here.  as it turns out, this is really good stuff!  we’re totally going to use this – though when we’re done with it you’ll never recognize it, thereby ruining any chance you might have down the road of bragging, “that’s me, that’s me!”  and by the way, what are you doing tomorrow, say…during your lunch break?