stop looking at me
flop sweats and blackouts – just two of the phenomenon that my anxiety of public speaking produces. i have a hard enough time maintaining coherence holding the attention of a small group of friends, much less standing at a podium with scores of sets of eyes resting on me, ears hanging on my next stammered word. i am definitely one for whom offline communication (IM, email, blogging, etc.) is a modern day miracle: have a thought, backspace backspace backspace, try again, backspace backspace backspace, get it right, SEND.
but here at the new gig, i have to stand in front of the company from time to time and deliver a “state of the audio” address. into a microphone. in the near-dark. while attempting to type obtuse character strings into a chat buffer with my quaking hands. all in the name of wowing my peers with how awesomely audio is coming along. the days leading up to this recurring ritual are dread-filled, and obsessive preparation manages to simultaneously mitigate the possibility of disaster while ramping up my morbid anticipation of the coming event. and no, picturing my audience naked – 100 game devs – does not help. in any way. at all.
but in the end, it’s worth it. because in the end, it brings audio to the fore, putting it front and center for a moment. one wobbly presentation at a time, audio hopefully becomes a little less of an afterthought, less of the proverbial “red-headed stepchild”. audio devs have long railed against this being their lot in life – our forums are full of threads wherein the importance of game audio is evangelized…to other audio devs. i have to say it’s nice to finally be able to stand up – albeit shakily – and evangelize game audio to the rest of the flock, to get people who have nothing to do with sound *psyched* about the sound and music in their game. well, that may be giving myself too much credit…i don’t think my proselytization has moved anyone to tears or fainting spells just yet. but i’ll keep trying, so long as i maintain consciousness.
